the sweetest tongue

I just added a bio

Monday, March 18th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

I just added a bio to my web page, for those who want to know more about me.

WARNING! Explicit picture that will make straight boys feel queasy!

okay. i just updated my

Sunday, March 17th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

okay. i just updated my site…

What do you guys think?

the edge of innocence Last

Sunday, March 17th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

the edge of innocence
Last night my cousin celebrated her 15th birthday in the Marriot. it was a nice affair, started with the screaming of hysterical girls changing in my cousin’s hotel room. As a guy, I can honestly say that I will never understand some of these strange female rituals. (Maybe that’s why I don’t date girls.) Well, as the oldest person amongst a barrage of 14-15 year olds, I found it very interesting to study such specimens in this environment. Ah, the innocence of youth!
Well, as the music blared and the people mingled, a clear split was to be seen. THE BOYS AND GIRLS STAYED DIVIDED! Ah, at the tender age of 14-15, the boys still feel awkward about asking girls to dance. of course there are some of those who have grown, and who have learned to ignore the peer pressure, and who managed to boogie away with girl(s). My 13-year old sister was in attendance, and I have had to avert my gaze, watching a guy wrap his hands aroudn her. (I’m supposed to be the liberal brother, but hey, I feel uncomfortable.) but anywhos, another part of the night involved my coming out to a few of these boys. And the response was great. no negativity. (In fact, I have yet to experience any negativity. I must be spoilt. After hearing all of those horror stories about gay-bashing and inundane fag-comments.) the funny thing was, they were even nice enough to ask if comments liek fag and anti-gay slurs offended or made me angry. they’re really nice, these boys. they really surprised me.
Note to self: Don’t let appearances deceive.

Oh, before I forget, I

Wednesday, March 13th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

Oh, before I forget, I wanted to leave you with a Ginsberg quote:

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,

–Allen Ginsberg, Howl

summing up my life so

Wednesday, March 13th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

summing up my life so far
Lately, I have been questioning myself. Most of my activities are over, such as Noche Puertorrique?a and Forensics, and my life is back to some semblence of order. But there’s a dark side to this. My grades are in disarray. Three to four hours of sleep a night are common. Even on weekends. I have realized that I have put the needs of others above my own. My body’s a mess, and so is my mind. I feel detached from my friends now, and while I do have time on my hands now, i feel that most of it is wasted just idlign away my time. I still have work to do, work I put off because I had *other preoccupations*.
I’m happy to say that I have not had or looked for sex for over two months. I’ve been ignoring my “buddies” for some time now, and the truth is, i don’t want any. While yes, I do have lustful feelings and thoughts like any other human being, I think I have come to the point where I want a serious relationship based on mutual affection rather than just sex. I mean, sex is overrated. I hear guy friends talk about the girls they are with, and the sex, and all I can say is that I have no comment. I’m no prude, and I’m not inexperienced. Well, except maybe with girls. I have not done anything with a girl in my life. And while I may be curious sometimes, overall, give me a boi anyday. But the matter is, sex is an overrated thing. We are so bombarded with sex everyday in our lives, nothing is sacred anymore. The human body is a mystery to nobody. And what happens in the bedroom/car/bathtub/living room is fluffer for male and female bonding rituals.

eureka! Just got a brainstorm.

Tuesday, March 12th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

eureka!
Just got a brainstorm. I’m working on version 2.0 of my website. This will reflect my eventual move from geocities, and the continuance of my blog. I have a new look, and I’m very proud of it. I may preview it later this week, so I hope I can get some suggestions….

I’m counting down to when

Monday, March 11th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

I’m counting down to when I’ll be moving!
21 days till I am kicked off by geocities because of their crappy disontinue of free FTP….

on my exterior problem Am

Monday, March 11th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

on my exterior problem
Am I fat? I looked myself square in the mirror, and admired my love handles. Sure, I get comments. Lots of comments. I never considered myself obese. But I guess people do see me that way, and I guess I have to accept it. I have always lived in a very delusional world about myself. I am in fact very self-conscious. Every comment made by people is a nagging thougth for the next few weeks. My sister told me about a friend who saw me and said , “He’s huge!” Now it’s nagging me. I don’t know. I feel like I need to start vomitting my food now to get on a diet. i don’t know. I think I will start my weight training again. I want to look good. but the thing is, the problem is getting me depressed. Every stinging coment comment I get about my weight makes me depressed, and when I am depressed, I eat, and when I eat, I get more problems. I don’t want to sound like Fat Bastard, but it’s a vicious cycle.

In the face of defeat

Monday, March 11th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

In the face of defeat
Okay, so we lost. The Saint John’s Forensics team lost for the first time in 18 years. And we didn’t even get 2nd place. We got fourth. But it’s not our fault. I don’t want to sound conceited, but we did our best. And we were clearly the more sophisticated and classy of them all. I just felt bad for those perfectionists in our team who felt their hearst shattered. But don’t worry, in our drunken revelry celebration later that night, we had fun. We cried, we laughed, and most of all, we were happy. I myself was happy, because the ones who did win were my friends. And I knew they deserved. it.

feelin’ guilty Dear Gaby S.,

Friday, March 8th, 2002 | Uncategorized | No Comments

feelin’ guilty
Dear Gaby S., if you read this, I want to say that I am sorry for shouting at you that morning when I suggested some ideas to you. I was being rude and inconsiderate. I shouldn’t be telling you what to do. And I was in no position to shout at you at all. I have no excuse for it, and I just want to say that I hate this silence between us now. I miss you as a friend. And I do not want to lose that.

Stan