Ok. I admit it. I am a micro-manager.

In everything I do or is related to my duties, I feel safer and more at ease when I have a hand in the process. I feel calm when I know that my finger is on the pulse on everything that is happening around me. I do not feel 100% comfortable passing off tasks to others, and when I have people who are taking direction from me and they go off to do their tasks, there is always a nagging thought in the back of my head that something can go wrong.

What can I say? I always look at all the probabilities of a situation. The best-case scenario is that everything is perfect and people know what they are doing. I dare not mention what i think the worst-case scenario might be.

And sometimes I micro-manage to the point where I tire myself out, and worse yet, drive myself crazy and into manic episodes that only add on to the inability to communicate to others what needs to be done. The trembling hands, the incessant stuttering, and the paranoid, furtive looks behind my back and at others.

The first step is admitting it. That I have a problem. I micro-manage to an extreme.
I used to think that it was just an indicator of OCD, an offshoot of my inability to function without some semblance of order, the same way I have to line all of my packets of sweetener in the same orientation and line before tearing each pair of packets in succession methodologically from left to right. And the hand-washing. And the inability to eat food with my bare hands knowingly.

While micro-managing is quite possible a natural progression from my OCD-tendencies, I think that I need to start the process of slowly letting go, and trusting others to do the best they can, and with good intentions. Micro-management has let my job consume my life, distrust others, and by letting go, I think I can regain myself back.