Third time’s the charm, as I always (hopefully) say.

The best things that happen don’t usually happen, or haven’t really happened. Only in my mind.

Did I ever share the notion I had that I could never trust my own memory? That’s part of the reason I started documenting my life. This blog, the years of chat transcripts since 1998 (from ICQ, Yahoo, IRC, and AIM), thousands of photos (not of myself), poems, essays, and paper journals. I also attempted once to record the names of all of my sexual partners, but that list, of course, could not be finished. And to try to restart that list would not be a happy trip down memory lane.

What Stan doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

In all honesty, periods of my youth are quite fuzzy. Some parts are so vivid that I can relive the emotional state I was in at the point in time, while most everything is all just a swirl of images and pictures.

The first person who asked me to be his boyfriend, also my first, I turned down. I was 15 and in high school, he was 20 and was already in law school, and in all honesty, I was happy just being fuck-buddies, me learning and experimenting with him. We shared a lot of the same views towards sex, watched movies together, and he even provided my first non-downloadable porn stash. However, I just liked things the way they were. He looked hurt, but I still maintained contact and meetings with him for two years.

After I graduated from high school, I lost track of him.

I wrote a poem about my last ex who consumed me for months (mp3 audio version here). Breakup and regret are always good sources of poetry. Great way to exorcise the demons.

Third time’s the charm. The third time for me to detox myself of infatuation, leaving behind friendship. I’ve always maintained a good relationship with exes (what few there were), so this should not be any different.

Anyways, time for detox.

*I lost my ICQ archive last spring in a Windows system crash. At that time, the archive weighed in at 60MB (of text!). I also lost my archive of movies from a certain adult site. This was also the crash that made me switch.

Headline of the Day

They’re making a Transformers live-action movie!

Listening to: First Day Of My Life from the album “I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning”  by bright eyes