Blind rage.

Saturday, April 16th, 2005 | bitter queen

In an unknown blind-rage, I almost wanted to scream at someone in my graphic design class, while I was trying to explain how to use layers in Photoshop. Normally, I gladly help out, answering questions and dropping tips. However, this time I had almost zero-tolerance for what I viewed as gross ignorance. This was a class of students seeking to enter the graphic design program, and I honestly feel that too many of these students do not attempt to even understand the tools they need to succeed in the field.

But, putting my past moment of ridiculous rage aside, I just had a very bad Thursday. I wanted the day to start off on a good note, but I guess I could not keep certain things off my mind. I had a serious talk Wednesday night with someone (J), and the result was just the realization that things were not going to work out between us. As friends, it will work, but I guess one of us just had higher expectations than what could be expected realistically. I just needed a day to iron it all out in my head. Feelings of dejection did contribute to my bad mood. Falling asleep drunk off my old mainstay of raspberry rum and Sprite helped. A lot.

Right now, I am ready to start afresh. Throw out the old trash and look at things in a new way. This does not mean devolving back into a life of sexual abandon. It is about appreciating what I have and opening myself up again. I had an excellent day at work today, which I ended on a good note, but had a bit of drama at home (where I am now), which made me feel the scope of love in a family that does not readily express its love for each of its members. In short, I was not the only family member who was cracking under the pressure of moving to Atlanta, and somebody else cracked by performing a juvenile act of attention-grabbing. After much tears and sassy attitude dispensing, I realized that I really did change a lot since I decided to be on my own. And forgiveness is something I forgot about. I’m hoping J and I can salvage a friendship, because someone needs to show him how to color coordinate! I can show him all the tricks I learned at Fag Boot Camp!

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